Friday the 13th... hmmm! Today has been a rollercoaster. This morning I started with a Pepsi, as usual, and then switched to my spring water. I had a meeting by phone scheduled for 9:30am and another immediately following at 10:00am. Those appointments were awful. It was one bad thing after another. I was ready to give up and turn to the Pepsi but I managed to find things that distracted me. I grabbed another bottle of water, talked to my mom for a while, and spent time writing. I knew I might have to work later in the afternoon so I needed to pull myself together but I was feeling horrible. I felt defeated, by everything. I started questioning whether any of this is worth it or if I was just wasting my time and torturing myself for nothing. After a while, the craving passed but it seemed that every second of the day was filled with one disappointment or problem after another. It wasn't bad luck just daily living. I go through these same emotions every year after these meetings. It's a very familiar feeling but knowing that doesn't necessarily help in the moment. I did have my morning dose of Apple Cider Vinegar just before the first meeting.
At noon, I took my second dose of Apple Cider Vinegar. For lunch, I had a little cottage cheese sprinkled with Mrs. Dash and another bottle of spring water. I have to admit, I really enjoyed the cottage cheese. It was light, cool, and flavorful. The cottage cheese was very filling. After lunch, I walked my 4 laps in the hallway. I thought about trying 5 laps but decided not to push it since I was still a little sore. The whole point of all of this is to be able to walk and not end up in a wheelchair. I don't want to take a chance of causing further damage to my knees.
Later in the afternoon, I asked my husband to pick up the stuff at the store to make tacos at home. I have been wanting them for a couple of days. I told myself when I made this plan that I wasn't going to deny myself things that I wanted because I didn't want to end up sabotaging myself. I promised myself that I could have everything I enjoyed in moderation. While he was shopping I took a short nap in the recliner. After crying off and on all day, I had a headache so I thought a little nap could be helpful. I snuggled in under my new throw blanket and I was out in a matter of minutes so I must have needed to rest. Funny how my body always seems to know what is best, too bad most of the time I don't pay attention. While I was sleeping I had a nightmare. I have been having a lot of those this week. I don't know if that is a side effect of cutting back on the Pepsi or if it is just because I don't feel well. I usually have nightmares when I am sick so maybe I am fighting some sort of an illness.
Before I started eating supper, I took my third dose of Apple Cider Vinegar. I love being able to eat tacos and not worry about heartburn. The tacos were amazing but I definitely overdid it. The corn tortilla's were cooked in butter, soft and yummy. We added taco seasoned ground beef and refried beans. I had lettuce, tomatoes, onion, shredded cheddar cheese, black olives, sour cream, taco sauce, and fresh jalapeno's on my tacos. I had a bottle of spring water with supper and by the time I was done with all of it I was thinking I should have stopped halfway. However, it was delicious.
After supper, I did 2 laps in the hallway but my knees were hurting pretty bad. I decided to skip it and just do one set of laps a day for a while. My fear is that if I don't keep up with the exercise I won't lose the weight and then I would give up. Tomorrow we are supposed to weigh-in and I am so afraid it is going to say that I have gained weight. I have been eating so much and some of it was really not good for me, like the corn puff things my mother bought for me that I snacked on while watching television last night and tonight. Most days, I have been trying to snack healthy if I had a snack. Last night and tonight I feel I failed. I know I can't "beat myself up over it" and that "what's done is done." I also know I have to be honest about my mistakes. I am human but I must also hold myself accountable.
At 9:30pm I had my second 12oz. can of Pepsi for the day with those corn puff snacks while watching television with my husband. It was nice to sit with my feet up and relax. I have decided that regardless of what the scales say tomorrow, I have done very well about sticking to the plan. There are times when it will be difficult, when I am out of town or working, but I can do this even if it is a little at a time.
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