Starting Over

Since January 18th, 2017, a lot has happened. I thought that I was on a path to better health and a happy life but my life took some turns. I had no idea when I began this journey that I would later find out that over half of my life I have been living in a world of lies. These lies were gradually revealed to me in the recent months. I always believed in forgiveness and that love could conquer anything but I know now that the truth in my life is that the love was a lie. My self-esteem was already low, now I am lost.

The past few months, I have been busy trying to make a living, manage a household, help my disabled daughter manage her life and apartment, rebuild my marriage, and be a friend to as many as I possibly could, and all the while maintain my faith. Funny, life has a way of yanking the rug from beneath your feet when you least expect it and this time I didn't just stumble, I fell.

So, as sad as my story may be, I am here to apologize to anyone that may have been reading for starting yet another thing that I didn't finish. I got so lost in my depression and trying to keep up with day to day living, that I stopped caring for me. I took care of the house, the bills, the kids, my husband, my work, my friends and everything I thought it was my responsibility to take care of, and now I know there was no point. I have discovered that I alone cannot fix what is broken in my home.

Today, I am starting over. I am not doing anything that doesn't fit me or my beliefs. I still intend to get healthy but I am no longer putting limits on myself. I am tired of being trapped in a world of limits, ultimatums, and lies. The truth is, nothing is what it seems and I cannot depend on anyone but me for my happiness. Love is not something I need from someone else, it is something I need to find in myself.

I won't promise to write each day because sometimes life gets in the way, but I will be writing about my journey and remembering that it is not only my physical self that needs healing. Instead, I will focus on my journey of mind, body, and spirit.